1. |
YKWIM
05:06
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YKWIM
Somewhere between confidence and self-deprecation.
“You know what I mean?” I say it, then I flip through the stations.
She’s lookin’ at me and i’m lookin’ for the feeling.
I feel it spinning, but I know that we’re on different rotations
I want to cry in the arms of somebody that knows me.
I think I’ve been trying - but I don’t want anybody to know me.
No I don’t want anybody to know me.
Somewhere between burning out and self-isolation.
I don’t know what that means, but I bite my cheek until I can taste it.
I think I like me, Hell I think that I might like everybody.
But I’m looking at me, and I don’t think that I know how to love me.
I want to cry in the arms of somebody that knows me.
I think I’ve been trying, but I don’t want anybody to know me.
No I can’t let anybody know me.
No I don’t want anybody to know me.
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2. |
Empty Things
03:50
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Empty Things
The kind of intensity
that had me driving through snow storms
A spark that didn't hurt,
a language that I had hoped for.
(it's what I thought I deserved)
(it's what I thought I deserved)
(a pleasure not a burden)
(the fire not the ashes)
What does that say about me?
The only things that fill me are empty
Thank god that sadness is easy,
Tried holding onto anger, but it holds me.
poetry through chapped lips, your teeth chipped.
"It depends on how you look at it."
(It's what I thought I deserved)
(A pleasure not a burden)
(The fiire not the ashes)
What does that say about me?
The only things that fill me are empty.
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3. |
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The Nothing Answered Back
Is it okay? The way you miss before you knew better?
When you could change the shape of love depending on the weather?
When flowers in the concrete couldn’t break your heart for days?
The death of a small animal now whispers “nothing stays”
Aren’t you grateful for the nothingness?
The way that sparks don’t catch?
You asked for this and here it is -
The nothing answered back.
Do you feel shame? The way you live like you deserved it better?
Is it your age? Collective pain? Or just the constant fretting?
You pick up every person just to try them on for size,
And whisper to yourself again “We’re all supposed to try.”
Aren’t you grateful for the nothingness?
The way that sparks don’t catch?
You asked for this and here it is -
The nothing answered back.
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4. |
Bad Dreams (Not Broken)
03:41
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Bad Dreams
I woke up crying again. Some particular dream that had caused me to spin.
Made up some scenes in my head that I don’t want to be in.
I woke up fearful again - with a gasp about nothing.
Clasp my chest as it gets back to beating and I fall asleep again.
Having bad dreams about you/about me.
I don’t dream about good anymore.
I fall asleep quickly. I am fast to the place without pain.
But these days it is dark in there too, and I’m forgetting my own name.
Watch the scene go up in flames.
Try to scream but I just can’t remember your name.
No I just can’t remember our names.
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5. |
cinderblocks
03:53
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Cinderblocks
Don't tell me how you feel - this isn't peace.
They broke into the house, left handprints on the screen.
You've got a leg up on me - you know my songs
and what they say - you sing along.
What you thought before - you ran out of breath.
I can hear you curse my name so softly through the vents.
I am made of stone; could be forgot.
Collecting dust while you leave my love notes out.
Can't give you what you need. A piece of mind.
A steadfast lover that keeps your time.
Wish cinderblocks were red instead of gray.
I'll slam the door and walk the year we had away.
I am doomed to make the same mistakes:
not knowing who I love or how to tell the care from hate.
Foxtails and field thistle, tinder on the flame.
Hear the fire whisper reasons not to stay.
Everybody thinks they know a fix for what we've seen.
Take this picture - ain't she lovely?
In the garden by the weeds.
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6. |
Not Easy, Not Forever
04:30
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Not Easy, Not Forever
I only feel present when I am alone
It’s starting to make me lonely.
Cant enough sleep when it’s all I do
Why get out of bed in the morning
It’s not easy but it’s not forever.
Feels like I’ve been growing this garden for years
and I guess that I do see some progress
Pullin up weeds while i wipe away tears
I am starting to tire of the process
Running outta space for the excess
It’s not easy but it’s not forever
Took a long time
To be okay on my own
Am I giving up what’s mine
If I let myself be know?
If I meet you in the glow
Of the garden overgrown?
It’s not easy but it’s not forever
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7. |
Jawbreaker
03:41
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Jawbreaker
Cut my tongue on the biggest jawbreaker I could find.
I was young - licking sugar off my hands to pass the time.
Feelin’ harsh. And I’m sick the day before it’s halloween.
Come so far - there are pieces I could pass for make believe.
What if at the center I am just more of the same?
What if at the center I am just more of the same?
Sugar and cement fill in the tunnels in my brain
Feeling soft. Red color on my lips to show the scar.
When we kiss - metallic cold, old hurt is not that far.
I was screaming - bloodied in my fathers arms.
We keep dreaming. Statues cry, we don’t know why it’s still so hard.
What if at the center I am just more of the same?
What did not hold me, could not hold me
What if at the center I am just more of the same?
What did not hold me, could not hold me
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8. |
Earthquake Song
05:28
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Earthquake Song
I’m too tired to have an opinion.
Coughing up smoke from a decade ago.
I didn’t bargain for these sorts of feelings.
I don’t believe when you say you don’t know.
Was that another earthquake?
Or just the garbage truck?
I bet we forgot to take cans out baby,
I bet that we’re shit out of luck.
I could have sworn that I knew you already,
Why am I learning just now who you are?
I used to think I could trust myself fully,
But I’ve never been one to be thrown that far.
Was that another earthquake?
Or was it just more fireworks?
I bet that they’re catching our lawn on fire.
I hope that the flame doesn’t hurt.
I can see the good in anything -
do you want me to?
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9. |
July
05:50
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July
I'm doing it all.
I'm holding myself.
I'm taking a walk. I'm writing a lot.
I was seeing someone, now I get enough sleep.
I'm pulling up weeds and I planted a tree.
But it feels like my heart shape has changed.
And I know that things won't be the same.
I drink enough water. I let myself cry.
Do you think that’s alright? I hope that's alright.
I'm doing too much. Like I always do.
I'm hoping to have better brain days soon.
The dogs are alright, but I miss you sometimes.
Keep telling myself that it's gonna take time
I'm talking it out. I'm noticing shapes.
I'm calling out patterns. I'm taking more space.
I call up my dad. I get through the day.
I'm proud of myself. Sometimes it is okay.
But it feels like my heart shape has changed.
And I know that things won't be the same.
I stopped drinking whiskey, and I’m open to love.
But It isn't enough. It isn't enough.
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Josaleigh Pollett Salt Lake City, Utah
Tender and thoughtful DIY indie rock. The band is currently Josaleigh Pollett on writing and singing the lyrics and
strumming some of those guitars, and Jordan Watko on literally everything else.
header photo by Kyle Ford. Bio art by @HelveticaBlanc
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